Until a few weeks, months, ago I had never really known what it meant to have a physical ailment. I have always been able to do anything I wanted to do physically. I had suffered a stupid fall several years ago that resulted in a broken elbow. But, with some painful rehab it hadn't been long until I was back doing anything I wanted.
Then came the visit to my doctor for my regular physical. It all started on a Friday. My blood pressure was elevated. I have been on blood pressure meds for some time and they had controlled it until now. My doctor told me, "Well you won't be diving for awhile." Her husband is virtually a professional diver and she knows how I feel about diving also. I told her we were only 10 days away from a diving trip to the Keys. So she speeded things up just to try to get me ready to make the trip. She really is cool.
First came an immediate change in meds.
Monday another visit to her office. Pressure still up. She set up a ultrasound to check the renal arteries for blockage.
Tuesday -utra sound shows no blockage, but some sort of mass on the right kidney. She sets up a catscan for Wed.
Wed. catscan report shows it is not fatty tissue as she had suspected. She will set up an appointment with a urologist asap.
Thurs. she calls with an urologist appoint for that morning. He looks at the scan and says it is not good news. 70+% chance it is malignant. Good news is that it is slow grower and not an emergency operation. Gives me several alternative methods for removal.
I am stunned. I truly am not real worried about the cancer. Something in his demeanor tells me that once it is out then chances are I am in good shape. My wife and I choose the most invasive of the options, because it is the one with the highest chance of complete removal. I am worried about the recovery from the surgery. I am worried that cutting so much of the muscle mass in my back will forever limit my flexibility and strenth. I try to be up beat and confident, and I sort of am. I fear for my wife's (I) attitude. She seems sometimes to be too dependent upon me psychologically. She is scared and I can tell it. We do go on vacation and have wonderful time. Diving with my daughter and son-in-law is wonderful. I will tell about that in a later log.
I had my surgery three weeks ago. My recovery has exceeded even my expectations. They say they are confident that the cancer is gone. I am already almost pain free. I walk a mile a day now and sleep well without pain medication or even Tylonol. I know I will soon be back being able to take care of my lawn and other chores. I think I may even be back on the golf course if winter stays away long enough and we have a good fall. I go back for my first real post-op visit in another two weeks. I know then I will get released from some of the physical restrictions I am on now. (5lb lift limit etc)
I feel lucky that the guy who read my ultrasound saw something that was pretty small and not in the area that he was really supposed to be inspecting. I don't know if I can ever get used to calling myself a cancer survivor, because I don't feel any of the physical and emotional things that I have always associated with cancer.